I have to say, I'm loving the quiet.  

There is space in my life... even after a mere 24 hours of a social media fast.  there is space and it's a delightful quiet.  

Except for my dogs barking, that is.  They love to alert me when John comes back from the gym or his mens group... I'm just thankful they are watching out for me, when I'm home. 

But what does it mean to be still and listen?  Sometimes our gut says to fill up the space.  Obsess over the futile, add in voices that don't matter and issues that don't need attention.  Those complicated mentally nurtured issues are like weeds, in the garden of my mind.

Why do we pick at them.... 

I've heard it said you can't worry and have faith at the same time.  I think that is totally true, as I've tried to do it and it's impossible.  Oh, I can be an expert in worry.  Those pesky things are weeds in a starring role in the worry garden and I am a master gardener.  I come by it honest, I had a grandmother that I loved so but boy could she fret and worry about stuff.  It's taken me a long time to nurture trust instead.

Even though I know without a doubt, that God is in control.  My temptation to pick at the weeds is insatiable at times.  However, when I turn down the noise, set aside the first part of my day to quiet and pray, and to seek God, the temptation dissipates and I'm surrounded by the joy of knowing He already proved He's trustworthy.   He has my best interest at heart, and proved it by loving me enough to send His son to suffer and die on my behalf.  Sometimes I don't understand the why's of situations, but I've learned to trust that His ways are higher than my ways.  My mind cannot comprehend His plan or His ways. 

1 Thessalonians says it this way:

16 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

19 Do not quench the Spirit. 20 Do not treat prophecies with contempt 21 but test them all; hold on to what is good, 22 reject every kind of evil.

23 May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 24 The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.

So,  I've never been much for being alone.  I mean, in the sense of getting away to recharge, by my self, etc.  Curling up with a good book meant, it better be a page turn-er, and even then, all of my friends and loved ones are busy, like on a cruise, and unable to be with me.... Well, maybe not THAT bad, but still, as a somewhat extroverted person, alone time is TOO quiet.  Extroverted is probably a stretch... I'm relationally wired. That's a better description.

When I was younger, I was one of those people, who as a single adult felt a bit anxious that I would be single much more than a 'season' but moreover for a 'reason' and that reason was I was unloveable, unattractive, undesired, scary - you know sent people screaming for the hills, etc... you get the picture.  However, after a few years of living life that way, I began to realize how that must come off to other people... A little too eager. 

And after many years of trying to force a fit with just anybody who didn't find me repulsive, God got a hold of me.  I started to understand, He was waiting for me. "Come away with me" He'd whisper...

Ok, let's get a bit more real: I mean I knew He was my Savior, as I'd accepted Him at 6, followed in believer's baptism at 14 and I knew I would one day be in heaven with Him as (hopefully) a very old gal.  However, I didn't really get the whole "relationship with Christ" part.  I mean, it seemed like it would really be kind of boring.. I didn't utter this out loud, but you know... There'd be no talking on the phone or strolling hand in hand or sitting under a tree having a picnic with Him... at least that's what I thought. 

Thankfully after a decade of 'oops' and buying into some very crafty lies about myself, and truly crashing and burning several times, I began to understand what being in a relationship with God really meant.  Slowly, but surely, I began to love myself too.  That I was totally complete with God and WORTHY of waiting for the right man to be my husband knowing and understanding that God was always going to be closer with me than anyone else COULD be.  God and I had some great times together, building a relationship.  I grew closer to Him through His word, and through some great friends, who poured into my life. And then, one day,  lo and behold, I met John Carrozza.  So amazing and blessed that God brought him into my life.

So, now, 20 years of being married to my sweet John and plenty of times where God has whispered, "Come Away With Me." I have been through some incredible chapters with God... through the beginning of my marriage to John - taking a leap of faith into ministry and serving Him, to a pregnancy after many years of infertility,  sustaining me during the difficulties with that pregnancy, being a mother at 35, the "raising-a-son" process, lean financial times, job loss, job gain, losing dear friends and family, deep pain, then completely renewed through a 3 day retreat and cancer...whew - many, many seasons.  I'm so thankful for every moment with Him and growing closer.  Each of these were special and every moment so treasured.  This is what makes me tear up when I'm leading worship... knowing Jesus has given me such a rich existence.  He chose me.  He gave His life for me.  All so, I could relationally be connected with God- of the universe!  

Which brings us to now... He's calling me away to a fast from social media and step away from being in the 'current of culture' and grow close with Him during a 30 day stretch.  I'm going to blog and journal about it.  If you want to read it, you can, but I'm NOT doing this so you can read it, or indulge in "I-will-post-about-my-social-media-hiatus-on-social-media'  or other such nonsense.   I just want to document this time with Him.  

And as Samuel said, "Speak Lord, your servant is listening."